Quotes

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25
Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot. C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and the Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare!
Most of the evils of life arise from man's being unable to sit still in a room.
I want to know what good is a web search engine that returns 324,909,188 'matches' to my keyword. That's like saying, "Good news, we've located the product you're looking for. It's on Earth."
Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
Unix is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
Those... were shitty last words.
Death is nothing to us, since when we are, death has not come, and when death has come, we are not.
Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again.
I'd give you my pity... but I save that for retards.
And what about Zombies? You never hear from Zombies! Thats the trouble with Zombies, they're unreliable! I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well...
There are three kinds of death in this world. There's heart death, there's brain death, and there's being off the network.
A crash is when your competitors program dies. When your program dies, it is an idiosyncrasy. Frequently, crashes are followed with a message like ID 02. ID is an abbreviation for idiosyncrasy and the number that follows indicates how many more months of testing the product should have had.
We're thinking about upgrading from SunOS 4.1.1 to SunOS 3.5.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence.
The Net interprets censorship as damage and routes around it.
Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.
Those scared of the dark have never seen what the light can do.
Magic happens here
Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible.
I worry about my child and the Internet all the time, even though she's too young to have logged on yet. Here's what I worry about: I worry that 10 or 15 years from now, she will come to me and say "Daddy, where were you when they took freedom of the press away from the Internet?"
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
Your best dreams may not come true; fortunately, neither will your worst dreams.
Be careful, lest in banishing your demons, you banish the best thing within you.
The only difference between saints and sinners is that every saint has a past while every sinner has a future.
Data expands to fill the space available for storage
Everything that I've learned about computers at MIT I have boiled down into three principles: Unix: You think it won't work, but if you find the right wizard, he can make it work. Macintosh: You think it will work, but it won't. PC/Windows: You think it won't work, and it won't.
Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.
No, this is the great Theater Of Life. Admission is free but the taxation is mortal. You come when you can and leave when you must. The show is continuous.
Life sucks. Get a fucking helmet.
You are not expected to understand this.
In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.